Lies, Cries and Toxic Ties: Overcoming Adversity to Create Happiness after Trauma & Loss
The lies I was told about who I am and why I was born shaped my belief about myself, the world, and everything in it.
From a very young age I’ve been told:
I was a mistake, that I’m only alive because abortion was wrong, that I’m lazy, no good and would never amount to anything, and that I was a burden.
Those words wounded me deeply and distorted my sense of myself.
Those wounds ran deep and created more wounds that left me feeling lost, alone and often, bleeding all over anyone who even managed to get close.
Wounds are the path to your soul, your truth, your self-love and light within.
Wounds are teachers.
I can now embrace my wounds as an invitation to transform my reaction of emotions from ego feels to heart feels.
I have learned how to use them now to heal and empower others. But it was not always that way for me.
I am a survivor of incest, sexual abuse and molestation that started very early, and reached its peak from age 5, and continued until I began menstruating at age 12.
In that same year, is when I finally had the courage to speak the words “no more” to one of my abusers, ending that sexual abuse hell.
I also have a history of childhood physical abuse, abandonment and neglect, domestic violence, as an adult I was also sexually assaulted & raped, I‘ve survived 2 suicide attempts, one at age 12 and one age 25, (not surprising, I battled suicidal ideations all the way into my adult life), and the most painful blow to my heart has been parental alienation.
One part of my story that not many know about, is that I was a teen mom. I found out I was pregnant just a week after I turned 15.
The father of the baby was 21. It was not the best of experiences, but looking back, I see the way it all played out and why it was so. Hindsight is a funny thing like that.
I had no idea what I was doing outside of seeking someone to love me, since by this point l, the only love I had known was no longer being given.
I actually believed that sex was love from the way I had been abused. Because of this dynamic, I was vulnerable to the negative influences of an older man with an agenda.
To compound this, when the news of my pregnancy was revealed, my parents made him marry me as they said to me, “you’re no longer our problem.”
So, I’m an unwanted and unplanned pregnancy, I was repeatedly told I was not wanted and being treated in horrific ways to also confirm that statement, to now being told I’m a problem and being kicked out as pregnant 15 year old child.
You can imagine the next years of my life were a roller coaster of hellish experiences and self abuse and substance abuse to cope. I wasn’t loved, so why should I love me and besides, it was not anyone had ever taught me what self-love or boundaries were. I was yet again, set up to fall into the trap of negative influences.
I dropped out of school eventually at age 17, but I did get my GED at age 19, enrolled in college and joined the Air-Force. Over the years I continued to experience negative influences and a host of health problems came from that.
But despite the negative influences, I always believed that it could be better. I had gotten myself into therapy at age 22, so it’s been many years of workin through everything I’ve experienced. I’ve had quite the journey and learned a lot along the way.
I saw a need for people like me to be vulnerable and show others how to get better and use their trauma as a superpower.
I was passionate about learning and became a certified health and life coach and then got my certification as a Master Transformation Coach to add to my background of medical assistant.
This combined with my years of therapy and all I learned has helped me finally put it all together, and not only overcome the mess of what I had endured, but turn it into a message of hope for others.
I have overcome eating disorders and weight issues from being 70+ pounds overweight to being underweight and looking like a skeleton, multiple addictions to cope with the inner pain and loss, self-harm, severe codependency, mental illnesses, complex-PTSD, low self-worth, lifestyle and autoimmune diseases and multiple concussions. (I’ve had 9 concussions total, with one at age 5 that left me in and out consciousness and was so traumatic to my young brain, that it left me with multiple deficiencies in emotional regulation and other executive functions in my brain that left me feeling broken and unlovable and disabled.)
Just like my poem reads...
I was once just a shell.
I did indeed survive a harrowing tale,
nearly missing deaths call,
It was an angels hand that broke my fall.
And now here I am confident, happy, healthy and standing tall.
I no longer am held prisoner behind my own or another's toxic wall.
I love me and I have this powerful story to tell, now that I have escaped the whale,
Of how I fell in love with me and now I live a life that is THE dream fairy tale.
I could not have healed if I did not focus on all things swell,
Success came when I surrendered and forgave them for the induced hell,
Journaling the life that I desired, one full of love, feeling happy and well,
And now here I sit blogging from the dream I have built from the ashes of that hell.
I encourage you to journal and alchemize the pain and focus on your dream fairy tale.
It is ok, to relax and take that deep breathe of love and let the negative go on the exhale.
~Candice J. Frazier
This is a complex healing journey.
You are not alone and there is hope and healing!
This journey I have been on has many layers to it. There were many days where all I could do is nothing, and some days it was like I was Wonder Woman on a gallon of coffee.
Some days all I could was cry, other days, I felt like I could not breathe from the pain of loss and rejection, while other days the sheer excitement of all that was coming took my breathe away in equal measure and tears were now ones of joy, gratitude and love.
Since I didn’t have much to work with in the way of healthy parenting, I’ve had to essentially reparent myself. I have had to learn how to give myself the love and care that my inner child desperately sought in others.
I had to learn to take time to nurture myself, and how to flow with the tides of life as allow my emotions to wax and wane like the moon does in her monthly transformation.
I had to keep reminding my inner child, that It was going to be ok.
I shifted my focus on the good and things that made me feel like ME.
I accepted that I had lost myself in the chaos and fallout of negative influences, and that it was ok to not know who I was. After spending my life surviving, I had been operating at half capacity, my brain and body had endured a lot of trauma, so I needed to be kind and gentle with myself.
I took baby steps and got really excited to rediscover and lay a new groove for the life that was waiting patiently each day for me to join in the fun.
I say that we get what we expect, so I began to shift focus to make it be something incredible!
I began to trust that what I desired, desired me!
As I began to trust that all is working out in my favor, and loved myself, miracles found me.
Healing, love, belonging, finally feeling safe, wanted and at peace.
In surrender to chaos, is courage and trust, which is love.
In love, is where all things thrive.
Just like the seed surrenders to the darkness, so shall we if we are to release the negative influence and thrive.
For me, my entire life became what later became my book, Namaste Away and Thrive: Release Negative Influences and Love Yourself. What I learned that was most powerful, is that simply releasing the negative influences will allow space for self-exploration.
In this exploration, I was able to discover the buried treasure that I once sought in the influences outside of myself.
Validation, Worthiness, Acceptance, Love, Safety, & Support
Once I accepted the differences and then began to alchemize the pain of loss, betrayal, rejection, and lack, while simultaneously chipping away at the negative influences created by trauma and controlled by ego, I also unveiled the blueprint of my beliefs.
Those impaired beliefs were the root cause of the entire disempowered experiences I had been living and surviving.
As I began to detox the negative influences, align and return to self, the chaos and struggles of myself and others began to fall away.
It’s really incredible that because their energy is no longer in alignment with mine, that it repels them.
But more so, my growth was seeing that I was not being rejected, but I was being divinely protected to allow me to Namaste Away and Thrive and harness the power of alignment.
In alignment, I now shine bright, and I’m at peace.
I have been illuminating and releasing negative influences and it has powerfully transformed my life.
With the intention of ‘Namaste Away’ from negative influences, healing is a now a reality.
I no longer seek outside validation or seek to be rescued!
I created my own sense of love, safety, and belonging from within.
I became the hero of my own story and it’s amazing!
No longer do I need to control everything to feel safe, I have created space to live an aligned life of freedom, love, and laughter.
I’m in love with me...all of me... cellulite, wrinkles, failures and all!!
I no longer feel like the unworthy, damaged goods from being abused and abandoned, a lie that I had long held the belief of.
I am deserving of unconditional love.
I know that how I love me, sets the stage for how others will love me.
I love myself fiercely and unconditionally.
I know my worth and I’m unapologetically living my souls purpose with gratitude and excitement.
I love who I see in the mirror, I have her back now, and I’m powerfully aligned.
I used my trauma as my revolution to my evolution.
I owned all my truths, especially the not so pretty ones!
I transmuted all the negative ego feels emotions into positive heart feels of gratitude, joy and care for life and everything in it.
My heart is on fire with this incredible passion to share my amazing message of self-love to create unity within.
I have a dream to radiate my love and light out and show others that harmony is possible for all of humanity.
I’m living my childhood dream, and I finally feel happy, singing my hearts joyous melody, and writing books, poetry and songs to inspire, educate, and motivate others!
I created a life in which I can THRIVE!
And guess what?!? YOU CAN TOO!
HOW CAN YOU THRIVE?
I cover all the ways that I made my transformation journey in my book Namaste Away and THRIVE. If you haven't grabbed your copy yet, click on link by the book photo below to purchase.
But here are my top 5 tips to heal and THRIVE to get you on the path today!
Suit up and show up daily.
Stay curious -no more judgment
Be Kind to yourself 1st
Be Love to yourself 1st
Radiate that same energy and intention out to the world
Conclusion:
We all experience some type of adversity, lies and definitely shed tears along our journey through life.
Ultimately, taking what happens to you and alchemizing it with your self-love is the healing process that will free and heal you.
Most importantly, when you reset your old grooves, and cut the toxic ties to lies, and ego feels, that is the way to healing, and it lays the new groove or walkway, to the paths to allow you to THRIVE!
Want to know how to reset your groove or get more valuable and inspirational content?
Go to Amazon and Grab a copy of my book:
Find me on social!!
Also, check out my podcast for more valuable content on how to master your mind, honor your body and align with your souls purpose!
RESET YOUR GROOVE PODCAST SHOW-Write A New Story:
https://anchor.fm/resetyourgroove/episodes/RESET-YOUR-GROOVE--Write-a-New-Story-eafe29
*********************************************
CONNECT WITH ME:
Websites:
www.namasteawayandthrive.com
www.candicejfrazier.com
Email:
Cj@candicejfrazier.com
IG:
@wellnesswithcandice
FB:
https://www.facebook.com/candice.frazier.10
@TheDivineAlignmentSage (Mindset Mastery)
@HurtNoMoreHealer (Narcissistic Abuse Help)
@WellnessWithCandice (Wellness & Lifestyle)
********************************************
Reach out to me and together we will RESET YOUR GROOVE! Write a new story, step out of the pain, let go and love you through your self care as you create full body wellness!
Who is Coach Candice?
She is a tenacious, passionate, empathetic and creative soul who is on a mission to bring healing to humanity to create a happier, blissful world.