This article is about the impact that self-love had on my journey from survival mode in face of toxic abuse and negative influences to creating aliveness and life that allows me to let go, love myself and THRIVE!
I will share my 7 Steps to NOW IS WOW Formula that I created so that you too can stop surviving, create aliveness and THRIVE!
In my THIS blog, I will share an example of how a Mantra worked for me:
Namaste Away was the key to align with my own strength. It was through the MANTRA ‘MY NOW IS WOW’ that I took back the power from my own toxic and negative mind.
With that mantra, I liberated myself from the ego driven, codependent and low self-esteem, low self-confidence prison it created to keep me safe. I know it can help you too.
I had a choice to make yet another resolution to fight against or reset my groove with that Mantra that would lay the path for me to embody that desired outcome of an incredible life and feel more authentic and enjoy more fun.
In that moment is when I asked myself, ‘How is it that I could reset this limiting ego belief?’
The next words I heard in my mind was, ‘MY NOW IS WOW’, and with those words a rush of hope and joy sprang forth.
Next, I asked myself if this was the feeling I was going to keep choosing, and resolving to resolve?
Knowing that so far, resolutions had only served to make me feel worse when I could not accomplish them, I felt I had nothing to lose.
Curiosity crept in. I began to wonder, how was I going to rewire and reset the focus with using a simple, heart centered empowering and confidence boosting mantra?
I mean after all, the #NoFearSelfLovePioneer mantra had certainly caused some upheaval in my life, so I had reason to be apprehensive of more hard times.
But first, gratitude for this incredible self-love healing journey, because I am no victim and I hold no ill will to those who have harmed me. I share to bring awareness that many are hurting and suffering in silence, feeling alone and invisible.
I see you, I feel you and I am here to tell you that you are not alone and share how I overcame those same feelings and now THRIVE.
And now to the story of why I am here writing this blog for you. I want to liberate you too!
I have lived my entire life in survival mode. I have operated at a level of numb because of that. Being alive, but not able to understand what my body was feeling.
I am sure there are many, sadly, who can relate to this. I am here to tell you that you are not alone and this is possible for you too. I want to help you shift your focus from the pain to possibilities and in rapid form so that you can spend your precious energy doing the things that light up your soul and make you smile. I know that may seem impossible if you are looking through the lens of trauma.
With a couple exceptions, I have only known abuse until 9/11/2018 when I began my *no fear*self-love pioneer journey. I only had 2 partners in my life that until then that were not abusive, and I sabotaged those quickly. And let’s not forget to include myself as I was the most brutal to my inner being compared to them because I am the one who subjected myself to the toxicity. Nearly two decades ago, I faced down death at the hands of my malignant narcissistic spouse, despite years of therapy and research on how to help him, I had to run for my life in order to survive. I had to choose my life over justice and leave behind pets and belongings. It was the most horrific experience and the brutality of it made me question That Which is Greater and drove me to brink of my sanity.
I spent time in therapy, I thought I had broke the pattern, only to realize it was never gone, it had just morphed into other negative influences and experiences like self-abuse and binge drinking and back to controlling food.
I met a nice gentleman, attempted to build a life with him, only to run from him too. Not from abuse, but from his gentleness and kindness. I didn’t feel like I was loved because I had only known violence, ego based emotions and neglect.
That to me was love. It was love with condition, love given only if I behaved, obeyed and didn’t question the narrative I was being fed.
So I did what anyone with my history does, we either fight, run, or freeze. And many of us cycle between the three.
I ran. I ran right back into the exciting dysfunctional toxic relationship that made me feel normal again. And when the red flags began to appear, I lied to myself and made excuses.
That was the beginning of the old pattern of back on the roller coaster of emotions, disease low self-esteem and no confidence.
The worst part, back into the struggle with uncontrollable suicidal thoughts and internal battle with myself over my right to even exist, let alone be loved. Here is the thing about trauma and being born into it. It is encoded into your DNA and it will contribute to impairment of one to all five birthrights.
Now I can’t go into detail here as that is another post for another day, but I can share this to help you grasp where I am going with this.
Birthrights are the beliefs the we hold about our right to exist, as well as the rights to love, be loved and even into the of how that happens.
The other birthrights are the right to need, the right to be separate and still belong, the right to take action. I talk about these further in my book Namaste Away and THRIVE, and give examples of how to reset them using the Mind Diet, Mantras and Meditation.
I had no idea that had impairments and so of course, what I thought was love, was all a lie. Not only was it very painful and twisted, it was self seeking and had all types of conditions on it. But it took me a while longer to figure this out. and it while the reveal of the betrayal was heart breaking and soul crushing, it was indeed the necessary evil and the catalyst to new awareness and new opportunity to change the beliefs.
In hindsight, this was an opportunity to shift from victim thinking to empowered thinking. I went from "why is this happening to me?, into the empowered and conscious creator thinking of, "why is this happening for me? What is this here to teach me?"
These are the 2 biggest questions to ask yourself anytime you feel yourself beginning to ask the question of "why does this always happen to me?"
But at this point in my story, I was very unaware and still very much in denial and split between knowing he was no good for me, but completely unable to walk away and give up.
I thought about how I had felt as a kid when I was unwanted.
So I stayed and kept praying, hoping, wishing it would get better.
I gave the love I wanted in return, only to become more emotionally and spiritually starved and out of alignment, feeling that death would be a reprieve from the "chaos of love'. If love meant that it was going to be so painful, I was just done with it. I did not even feel love for own being. I hated her, I felt disconnected and like a failure. I put myself in every therapy I could find and read book after book, and with more information, came more sadness and hopelessness.
In my heart, I knew that we were at the end of our relationship, but I am relentless when I care about what I am invested in, and so I was still trying. The abuse had continued to escalate, my health was rapidly declining and now even his health was beginning to suffer.
I can not tell you how many times I cried over the fallout, grieving and owning my brokenness from my childhood filled with a maze of abuse, neglect and conditional love. I just wanted to be loved and feel secure that I was not going to be abandoned.
We thought we loved each other, but we were addicted to each other and the familiar impairments of lack of self love and self autonomy.
It was so toxic that my adult children began to distance themselves from us. I wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone about it, as he didn’t want his business out there; it was so confusing, he’d tell me it was my fault he was upset and I needed to get help, and I would, but even the therapist sessions would aggravate him. And he wasn’t getting help or making an effort to be respectful. So at this point, I felt even more isolated, more suicidal and hopeless. Frozen. I could not seem to get it. I know now that is called crazy making and is part of the isolating and gaslighting techniques to maintain control.
All are attempts to keep the receiver of the barrage of insanity in question of their sanity and not be able to unravel the toxic tie that is binding them to the unhealthy relationship. This is all strategic so we stay and keep feeding their ego and taking care of them.
I scoured support groups, frantically searching for ways to fix my relationship and help my covert narcissistic partner with his mood swings and understand what it was I was doing that was creating such a turbulent experience and painful existence for us.
I had to figure out why I felt like I was in a pattern or a groove of this unhealthy pattern of toxic and abusive relationships. Unbeknownst to me, this roller coaster ride was about to come off the tracks and send the whole thing crashing.
While 2020 brought me massive clarity, it had begun a few years ago first with the loss of mother and subsequently learning the truth of my lineage. But it fully culminated the night my fairytale romance façade was broken into a million pieces just like my heart was.
The night in 2018 when I nearly lost my life in an argument gone horribly wrong, was a catalyst. I played the scene over over and in my head.
If I could I have done something different, would we have avoided the shoving match that ensued?
If I had reacted differently would the ex partner have been in a rage and shoved me so violently causing me to fall backwards, landing upside down on my neck and nearly breaking it?
If I had reacted differently, would he come to my rescue, instead of standing over me, blaming me and not caring to see if was indeed hurt?
So many questions, but in each was CLARITY.
Clarity that this was NOT love, not a fairytale romance.
More like a nightmare version of Groundhog Day on repeat.
I wanted things to get better. I wanted to leave. Yet I stayed and tried to help.
What I was doing was trying to give to him what my inner being as begging me to give to myself.
But I couldn’t put me first. If I did that, it would mean rejection and abandonment.
Yet, if I did nothing, it meant more toxic exchanges, more staying unhappy and suffering to not make another feel abandoned.
But in essence, an hindsight, I can now see I was abandoning myself. And he was a mirror to show me what I was doing. I was too traumatized to see it then, but I can clearly see the truth now. But it was not over yet.
I kicked him out. But, I was trauma bonded and unable to see the bigger picture and went through massive withdrawal and was missing the very person who had made it clear that they were no good for me and were using me. I thought, maybe if I try harder to help them understand themselves, it would work. I was in such a state of denial. Grief is funny like that, it will paint the picture in a way that leaves out the decay and truth.
I still continued to try and make it work for awhile.
Yes .. I know, even I had to ask myself what the actual hell Is wrong me? This is just a bigger clue to the dynamics of trauma bonding and the addiction that is creates.
Knowing that with an addiction, the approach is one of gentle and patience, quickly following is the need for curiosity and compassion.
As I gave compassion for the woman who had never known healthy boundaries and love and no idea what to do to create that, curiosity and excitement flooded my thoughts as to the HOW I was going to create that. I did not focus on the fear or worry, just curiosity and fun.
With each level of curiosity and awareness came further expansion into my healing journey and further falling in love with myself and the fun of it kept me showing up and creating more ways to feel alive and THRIVE!
As I began to love myself, is when I realized that I would never allow myself to be so disrespectful to me, so now I began to let go of those who despite my fondness of them, I began to let go and focus on my happiness.
The year of *No Fear - Self-Love Pioneer had served its goal of carrying me through the tough times and laying the path to the next leg of my healing and souls expansion.
Last year on New Years, I set the intention to make my ‘NOW IS WOW’ and to just stay away from him. Hence the 'Nah, I'm gonna stay away' or Namaste Away.
I had been seeing that the truth of the relationship was toxicity beyond repair and that he was never going to change.
So I told myself in order to survive this trauma and loss and heal .. I was going to have to stay away.
And that is when it all made sense and I had a huge ‘a ha’ moment and coined the phrase Namaste Away.. meaning .. “Nah..I’m gonna Stay Away from him”
And that is what I began to do. Stay away.
It was very difficult, but with time and several more nasty arguments that solidified that I had done all I could, I let go. I did what I never thought I would be able to do, release him, release my negative patterns and love ME.
There were days that were hard to get out of bed, but I had a community of people that kept my passion alive and fueled my resilience, It was one moment to next sometimes, but I just kept showing up and finding the silver lining it all.
Once I evicted him from heart and mind just as did my home, I was able to move on and really begin to heal.
Slowly, as I intuitively felt in that deep knowing in my soul, instead of surviving... I THRIVED!!
As I invested my energy, time and attention on myself, the return on that investment was incredible. I grew more successful as a women’s empowerment and entrepreneur coach, trauma & wellness and mindset podcaster, started writing about the journey and I will be publishing my first book. By the end of 2020 I had it all compiled and it is in final publication steps now.
The biggest mover of the healing piece was when I kept focused on how I could make my "NOW IS WOW", and how I could love myself and learn how to empower others to do the same.
That is how I began to create more aliveness and the 7 Steps To Create My NOW IS WOW Formula.
(Click here to get a free digital download copy and start creating the path to your own NOW IS WOW!)
In this you will learn how to use doubt and fear to draw your desires near and master your mind, starve the ego and feed your soul.
As you practice the Now is WOW formula, you will find peace and healing in the alignment with all that you are,
All that is behind you will have meaning and purpose and will no longer hold control over you and keep you stuck on the unwanted patterns of negative influences and feeling like life is pointless and not worth living, among many other negative self-talk stories.
The 7 Step NOW IS WOW formula is what I needed to shift my feelings, let go of old beliefs, create aliveness and show me the path the THRIVE.
The chaos of 2020 has finally ended and 2021 is here to began a new chapter,
This one is epic! I know it because I know I have grown so much and I am ready to receive all the blessings and step further into my soul's calling. I am so eager to expand my business and influence and help usher in change and awaken others to the truth of the power of alignment,
I know that the biggest growth was when I got my divorce papers last week. A day I once fought and dreaded, the divorce day that I once feared I wouldn’t survive, turned out to be a day I was actually happy for!! It symbolically and legally released me to further THRIVE.
Absolute tears of joy! What once felt like rejection, was now sweet release.
Fitting end to such a tumultuous and eye opening year that brought so much clarity and release.
So if you are not sure if you can overcome the toxic and negative influences of this difficult experience, I am here to say and be an example of:
Start using the 7 Step NOW IS WOW formula now to create the epic life you desire and deserve!
Step in and boldly to the energy, frequency, and vibration of:
‘I AM THRIVING’, by feeling the heart feels and repeating the, ‘MY NOW IS WOW’, mantra!
It was a powerful and experience that shifted me from depths of anxiety, depression, and suicidal despair to hope, healing, happiness and THRIVING as I began to embrace the power of the heart feels emotions energy to transform my mindset.
I am excited for you to try this formula out and look forward to hearing how this helped you shift from survive to thrive.
~The Divine Alignment Sage, Candice J. Frazier
GET YOUR COPY OF NAMASTE AWAY & THRIVE NOW Click here
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RESET YOUR GROOVE PODCAST SHOW-Write A New Story:
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Reach out to me and together we will RESET YOUR GROOVE! Write a new story, step out of the pain, let go and love you through your self-care as you create full body wellness!
Who is The Divine Alignment Sage, aka, Coach Candice?
She is a tenacious, passionate, empathetic, and creative soul who is on a mission to bring healing to humanity to create a happier, blissful world.
She overcame limiting beliefs, codependency, lifelong traumas and loss, self-abuse, addictions, autoimmune illnesses, chronic pain/fibromyalgia and beat anxiety and depression all through daily acts of kindness and radical self-love through intentional self-care and living an aligned life and fully present in the moment and loving herself unconditionally.
*Founder & Owner of EmBodyE Wellness, Zen Hikes & Nature Adventures
*#BeLove Movement Pioneer
*Self-Love Alchemy Expert™️
*Certified Master Health/Life & Mindset Transformation Expert
*Life Skills Competency Educator
*Certified Medical Assistant
*Motivational Speaker & Author of Namaste Away and THRIVE: Release Negative Influences & Love Yourself
Mind Diet, Balanced Bliss, and Kick Sugar Cravings, PTSD & Trauma Recovery Talks/Workshops
*Founder of Harmony For Humanity Nonprofit & *22HaloProject.org (coming 2021)
*Creator of the:
5 to THRIVE, Mind Diet Program, 8 Self-Love Gateways, 7 Steps to Now is Formula, 5 to Feel Free Formula, 12 Steps to Freedom Addiction & Codependency, Balanced Bliss
*Global Like Skills Ambassador
Global Presence Life Skills Ambassador @ Parenting 2.0 https://www.parenting2pt0.org/the-global-presence/ambassadors/
*Creator and Host of the RESET YOUR GROOVE PODCAST SHOW
RESET YOUR GROOVE PODCAST SHOW-Write A New Story:
*Women’s Empowerment Coach & Co-Host of The Sweet Nine Podcast Show